Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ryan's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
9:47 am	Good stuff Paddock: The Bears beat the Vikings, who have been suffering a lot of scandals the last few seasons. But come on people, a group of testosterone fueled men nicknamed the Vikings marauding in a drunken orgy on a boat. Isn't that what Vikings do? Jeez. Classic Also, see Bill's video and take the quiz. These are my friends. Current Mood: mellow (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
7:14 am	My imitation of life It's hard to gather the motivation to post here much these days. First, all I do is go to work, and nothing interesting happens there. Second, when I get home from work, I'm usually beat. Anyway, an update has been promised and so it shall be delivered. Speaking of work, though I tend to complain about it, I feel fortunate to have my job still. As some of you may or may not know, Sprint recently bought Nextel, and is in the process of merging personnel and technology and networks and all that jazz. There is apparently a new VP somewhere along the line, and this person decided that the partnership program (my job) was no longer necessary. So overnight, it was axed, nationwide. I spent a few days last week scrambling around, trying to find another job, ANY job, as soon as I could. One of the Sprint store managers wanted me to come in and take "the Sprint test," a personality/aptitude test that everyone who works at the stores takes, just in case an opening became available in the future. Since I've pwned standardized tests since I was but a wee lad, I dominated it and got one of the highest scores they've seen. Consequently, the regional sales manager told me to attach myself to that store and to continue looking for and working the outside events. It'll have to be low-key, as they're trying to keep me on the DL until the merger goes through, but I still have a job at least. I think I commented on this last year at this time, but this is one of the slowest, boring-est times of the year with regard to sports. There's nothing but baseball. Baseball is cool and all, but it just doesn't fulfill quite like football. Thankfully NCAA 06 comes out in July, otherwise I might start watching people play poker on TV. Though I did download this sweet program on my work phone that lets me listen to live radio broadcasts of MLB games through the phone. Sweeeeeeeet. I've got more on my mind, but I don't quite feel like getting into it yet. I think I'll just play my guitar instead. Take care folks. Current Mood: exhausted (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
8:19 am	I can't drive 55 I haven't felt like updating in a while. I've just been too busy and tired all the time to really care. But I find myself with plenty of time before work today, enjoying a nice little breakfast, and I'll give ya'll the rundown on what's been going on. In chronological order, my new job comes first. So I'm currently working as the Event Coordinator for the Tulsa metro-area for Sprint PCS. My job is to spend a couple days driving around town looking for new clients to host our outside sales events, then to work the sales events that we get set up with those clients. I work every single weekend, outside, and Mondays and Tuesdays I spend 8 hours in the car. But it doesn't pay badly, in fact it's the most I've ever made, including my brief stint as a graduate assistant. I did score a wicked sunburn yesterday, which was the catalyst for me rethinking this job, but more on that later. As I said, this job's paying more than I've ever made, even though it's still not a ton. After spending a couple days in my car prospecting for the first time, I realized that the old blue hoss had to go. After 3 hours the air stops blowing cold, and it's just not comfortable for extended periods of time. Don't forget about all the mechanical problems as well. It's just a matter of time before the whole thing explodes and takes out a chunk of some convenience store or small office building. Long story short, Wednesday I went down to the Hyundai dealer here in Tulsa and signed the papers on a new 05 Sonata. I'm obviously thrilled. Anyone who's spent any amount of time in my car knows. They know. Anyhow, it's not really the color I would've wanted, nor does it have some of the features I would've wanted, but it's a fantastic improvement and I got a decent price on it. I smell road trips coming... Finally the short circle comes back to my job. I'm really not thrilled with my job. It pays the bills and all that, but every weekend? That means the only only football I'll get to see are the evening games, which aren't usually that great. Stupid Pac-10. Anyway, while searching for a job for herself, Caitlin came across a fantastic job for me. Apparently the Conference Center (whatever that is) of Tulsa Community is hiring a Publications Specialist. They want a BA in mass com, competency in Office, experience in publications for higher education, and then all of the "well-articulated, works well in teams, general communication skills" stuff. And it's indoors, on weekdays. Plus I could probably take classes for free. Even if it paid the same as my job with Sprint, it would be a great improvement. The best part, however, is that it pays much, much more. Not retire-in-5-years salary, but more money than I'd know what to do with, at least at first. Anyhow, Caitlin's going to drop off my app and resume today, so we'll see what happens. It's really about time that good things started happening. Life's been much of teh suck lately, and I feel like I'm due. I know that we're only given as much as we can handle, and so maybe it's all been a test. I don't know for sure. But it's starting to look up. Even if "it's" in Oklahoma ;-) Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: the hum of the fridge (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
9:54 am	The cruelest joke that life plays... ...is that it never stops. You never get the chance to stop, start over, and try again. No matter how much you wish you could, you're stuck with where you are and are left with only the memories of your mistakes and the daydreams of better roads. Okay, that had been on my mind for a couple days. I don't want to sound all depressed, cause I'm not, I'd just been thinking about it. Anyway, I haven't posted in a long time cause things started to get crazy, so I figured all 3 or 4 of you who read my journal deserve an update. This posting is coming to you from my new apartment in Tulsa, OK, also known semi-affectionately as The Slut. Some of you may know, some of you may not, but I will no longer be attending Saint Louis University (obviously if I'm living in Tulsa). My ongoing problems with Dr. Cohen, detailed often here, resulted in me not receiving sufficient grades to renew my assistantship. And without funding, I couldn't really go to school. It's also noteworthy that I've decided to enter medical school, which probably played a role in my level of devotion to my grad studies. Admittedly, once I made the decision to leave, I stopped working on Methods stuff, which is why I got a D in that class. But, lo and behold, I received a B- in Org Com. So even if I had worked my ass off and not slept for 5 days and somehow convinced Dr. Cohen to give me a B in her evil class...I still wouldn't have had the grades. Thanks for that parting gift, Dr. K. Like I said, I'm about moved in. We're living in a 2-bed, 1.5 bath townhome in mid Tulsa. It's actually in a great place, not more than 10-15 minutes away from anything we would possibly need or want to do in Tulsa. The complex gets a C, the management gets a C-, and the apartment gets a B, but for some reason the fools let us sign a 6 month lease even though I had more than a year left on my lease in St. Louis, so if we reallllllly wanted to we could move again in November. But moving sucks. As much as I may not be in love with this place, I'm in love with the idea of not moving for a good while. It's really not bad, just old. We've got plenty of room though, so let me know when you're coming to visit. I'm going to apply for a couple of clerical jobs within the St. John Health System today. I'd really like to find a job within a hospital someplace, since for most med schools you need some kind of recommendation from an MD or DO or something like that. If for some reason I can't land a cushy, indoor job filing paperwork and entering patient info into a computer, I suppose I'll need to *shudder* volunteer at a hospital. There are enough hospitals and little doctor's offices and whatnot here that I really don't think I won't be able to find something, it may just take some time. After I secure employment, then it's off to register for classes at Tulsa Community. I was telling Caitlin the other day that the weirdest part of this whole moving business was that I was going from a graduate student to a community college student. I can't help feeling a little indignant about the whole deal, but it's my own fault I suppose, and I'll deal with it. I wish I could just take a full load for a semester or so, cause I could prolly hammer out most of the classes I need depending on the prereqs. I know Stephanie said that Matt had said that there are certain classes to take during certain times, so passing that information along would be lovely. ;-) That's where I currently stand. Things need to start falling into place before I'll feel confident that I won't end up some loser working a dead-end job in Tulsa for the rest of my life. It's hard to get motivated now when I feel like I failed at graduate school. Perfectionism is part of my nature, hard as that may be to believe, and I always feel like I could've done more. Maybe I could've read more, or read the books twice. Maybe I could've studied more. Maybe I could've been more humble and tried to placate Dr. Cohen into helping me get a B. Maybe I could've worked harder, longer, and faster. I guess I'll never really know. Like I said at the beginning, the only thing I'm left with is the memory of failure and the what-ifs. Having to jump into the a job hunt and start taking classes again is asking a lot while dealing with that, but like I told Dr. Kennedy, I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment. I think I'll get it done though. I'm not sure how, but I think it'll work out. The plan seems reasonable, and all I have to do is follow it. I'm still not confident, but I'm optimistic. Current Mood: melancholy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 1st, 2005
12:18 pm	Rant coming... Why is it that celebrities feel that they have the right to speak for the American public? What is it about making a lot of money that gives you more of a voice than anyone else? I'm flipping through the channels and VH1 is interviewing Eminem about something, I don't really know what. But they started talking about his song "Mosh," I think, or something, where he lambasts the Bush administration. It's sickening, cause this douchebag interviewing him is kissing all over his ass about it, cause "it doesn't make you less loyal or less of a patriot, just because you're speaking out." Besides the inaccuracies in this statement (the American Revolution began as "speaking out"), what people like this guy and Eminem fail to realize is that more people like the job that Bush has done and what he says he will do than those who don't. I mean, if not, then he wouldn't have been re-elected. Granted, he may be unpopular at times and do things that not every agrees with, but like the OG poli-ranter Mack once said, at least he's had the balls to stick with what he thinks is right instead of kowtowing to the loudest whiners. Maybe the problem is that I'm just too libertarian. You don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you, and everything will be fine. When someone like Eminem tries to tell me that I should hate the government for whatever reason, I feel like they're crossing that "don't fuck" boundary. And I don't buy that he's just an artist saying what he wants and that people can choose how to respond. Eminem says shit like that because he knows people will listen. See "Without Me." And now Eminem is saying that in a perfect world he could just be the "family man" and just have people acknowledge him with a "whassup" and he could be anonymous. Please. Then do it. Move back to a trailer in Detroit and raise your little girl and stop fucking with everyone else. Give away the money, and the record deals, and your house, and all that stuff that sets you apart from the common man. See, when celebrities say shit like that, that they wish they could just be like everyone else, they can. They have the ability to, they just don't want to. I don't blame them. If I was making more money than I knew what to do with, I wouldn't want to give it up either. But do us a favor and cut the tired, bullshit, "keeping it real," lines. Celebrities, stop "standing up for what you believe in" and "saying what other people can't" and "speaking for those who can't." It's bullshit and you know it. I don't need you to speak for me. Whether I choose to exercise my voice or not doesn't give you the right to do it for me. You're deluded rich whiners who decided that you aren't satisfied with living your fairy-tale lives. In between massages and facials and getting your ride pimped at West Coast Customs, you thought to yourself, "Hey, it'd be cool if was like some sort of political activist. Yeah, that'd be hot." Grow up. Keeping making your money, and buying more stuff than you'll ever need, and reveling in the attention, and stop trying to tell me what I need to think. I can think just fine on my own, and I think you're full of shit. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: rich whiners (Comment on this)
Monday, April 11th, 2005
1:14 pm	IM Conversations Background reading: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0405051vick1.html Northstar355: Bill PantherWR: me NorthStar355: thats the NEW Mike Vick Experience... yogurt coming out your pee-hole PantherWR: haha PantherWR: ewwwwwwww NorthStar355: *vomit* PantherWR: it's not in the playbook PantherWR: but it should be ;-) Current Mood: amused Current Music: the whir of the fan (Comment on this)
Friday, April 8th, 2005
11:25 am	It's a vicious cycle... For having so much free time this week, I haven't gotten very much done. I cancelled class Monday cause I felt like crap, Tuesday is mostly open, Wednesday was hell like it usually is, then I didn't go to class last night cause I again felt like crap. Add that to no teaching today, and that's a butt-load of empty space to fill. It oughta be a good thing, cause I'm coming up on the end of the semester, and I've got a ton of projects that are going to be due. INCLUDING my damn lit review/methods paper, that I have to redo for the third time. I swear if I make it out of that class alive it'll be the best thing that ever happened to me. I've been getting more into country music lately. It started as just picking up a few old faves on the new music downloading software.... BTW, if you haven't yet experienced the wonder that is Ares, download that stuff yesterday. Stuff downloads super-fast and never incomplete, edited, or empty. Fantastic, in the past two weeks I've nearly doubled my collection of music. But anyway. So I was downloading some tunes that I used to have before I purged a lot of my music to make room for school stuff or something. It gradually developed into a whole new folder in my Mp3 section. I've found that it helps me mellow. School generally pisses me off and I'm always in a bad mood, so it helps with that. If any of you can stomach country, leave me tunes to steal. I'm still back and forth on staying or going. I'm going to call the SLU Med Admissions people hopefully today to talk to them about my situation. I was okay to go ahead and leave after this semester till Steph's bf mentioned that that'd probably be a bad idea. He said that schools don't want to see a kid who quit halfway through something, since they're going to be investing a lot in me (even though it seems that I'll be investing even more, but I don't really doubt the claim). Sooooo...back to square one. That's about the state of affairs in the House of Green. My apartment's messy, school's about to become a major hectic bitch, I'm considering throwing it away in the meantime, my cats wake me up early every day, and I need to go grocery shopping after I scrounge some money. But it's coo. Nothing like a post-MA plan, some country music, and the Texas flag to change your outlook. :-) Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Kenny Chesney (Comment on this)
Monday, April 4th, 2005
1:36 pm	Opening Day is upon us And I skipped class to watch. :-) Not really, though I did cancel class today. I didn't get much sleep last night, and I woke up feeling awful. Today we were supposed to talk about persuasive reasoning methods, and while I feel bad not teaching it to them (because it's not very intuitive), at the same time it's so heady that I think I wouldn't have taught it very well today anyway. So maybe I'll just eliminate the TBA day at the end of the week. Of course, that was supposed to be for them to work on their speeches. Oh well, I'll figure it out. I'm now announcing my intention to go to medical school after/during my MA. People keep asking and I keep telling, so I figured why not. Anyway, the biggest call I have to make is whether to stay here and finish my MA or move back home this summer and get started. I was all convinced to go ahead and stay in St. Louis for the next year until Caitlin's dad reminded me that if I go to medical school, I really won't have any use for an MA in Communication. I mean, it'd be a good fall-back plan and whatnot, but isn't having a fall-back plan kinda like setting yourself up for failure? I'll be in med school; I can't work or anything like that. And after I'm done, what's the point of having a masters? Anyway, that's where I'm at. I'm also deciding where to move to. I can get my extra year of classes done just about anywhere, so there's OSU-Tulsa, UNT, UTA, etc. I know that if I move back to Tulsa my parents will get pissed if I don't move back in with them. At the same time, I don't really have much fundage with which to get a new apartment. Ugh. We'll see. Friggin Illinois and friggin North Carolina are playing tonight. As much as I don't want to put up with a year of rabid Illinois fans for the next year, I'd rather they win the title than UNC. Speaking of Illinois fans, strangely enough there are a large amount of UofI fans here in Missouri, and I'm not sure why. I mean, thinking about this from the perspective of a Texan, that would mean that I would be cheering for LSU, or Arkansas, or New Mexico, or *gasp* OU or OSU. Would this happen? No friggin way. Reason # 321498032 that Missouri and St. Louis is friggin weird. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Pirates - Brewers (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 1st, 2005
12:18 am	I can't fight this feeling anymore.... It's been a long time coming. But I'm tired of living two lives. I didn't do anything to deserve it, and I shouldn't have to anymore. It's been too much work keeping it inside. It's hurt so much to not be honest with everyone. It's just not worth the fight anymore, and starting today, I'm coming out as a brand new man. I'm gay. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Queen (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
11:27 am	I forgot to add a subject, so...... It's been twenty-two days since my last post....and really not that much has happened. Spring Break has come and gone, and it was everything I hoped it could've been, and more. I sat around in my apartment and did nothing. Absolutely nothing. I would wake up 10-11ish, watch ESPN while I prepared something for lunch, then frequently take an afternoon nap. Best week ever. I'm finishing up Easter break today. One of the perks of attending a Catholic institution is that there's a myriad of religious holidays for which we get classes off. Last Thursday was Holy Thursday, so no night classes (Contemporary Theories for Greenie). Friday, of course, was completely off. Classes on Monday were cancelled until noon, which meant that since all the classes I teach on Monday fall before 12, I had that day off as well. Magnificent. In the interim, I've done a lot of reflecting on my interests and graduate school and life and whatnot. I've decided that I really don't like grad school anymore. I don't think I ever wanted to go to grad school in the first place, and I fooled myself into thinking it would be good and that I wanted to do it. I've started to think of alternatives. I've got one in particular, but I don't want to talk about it a whole lot in case something falls through. I spent all morning today studying for an exam in Organizational Communication tonight. And you know what? I still think I'm going to do badly. The exam doesn't even sound that hard. I've just lost my confidence in performing well in grad school, at least at this institution. Don't think that I'm getting all down on myself though. I actually feel pretty good. Finally admitting that I hate this and that I really don't want to be here feels good. Planning for a pre-career change is fun, and it gives me hope that someday I'll be interested in what I'm doing. This idea of mine is pretty out there. It's going to be an absolute bitch to pull off. And my debt is going to increase astronomically. But what's the payoff? Doing something I truly enjoy? Getting away from a depressing city and depressing people? Providing a better future for me and mine? Looking forward to work in the morning and feeling satisfied at the end of the day? It's not even close. I could use your prayers, to have the strength both to do what I have to do at SLU and to do what I need to do for myself. In other news, it's almost time for baseball season. My sense of appreciation for baseball has really grown since I've been in the Greenville/St. Louis area. I hate the Cardinals, but their stupid fans, and other fans I've come in contact with, have helped see baseball as more than looking up the Rangers' box score in the Star-Telegram. So come quickly, boys of summer. The NFL Draft is in a couple of weeks as well. I'm interested to see who the Boys pick up with their two first rounders, but other than that, I'm not real interested in this year's draft. This brings me to basketball. I truly believed at the start of this year's Tourney that Kansas got fantastic seeding and had a good shot at making it to St. Louis and cutting down the nets. Those dreams were derailed in the first round by lowly Bucknell. I was in tears towards the end of the game, watching Keith, not a great free throw shooter, sink two clutch freebies to give KU the lead. Of course they blew it, and Simien's Laettner-esque shot bounced out. So ends the career of Keith Langford, Kansas Jayhawk. A class act, fantastic guy, never forgot where he was from or who his friends were. Keith always took time to chat with us on the few occasions he was at home in Fort Worth. Not a likely NBA draft prospect, his best bet is probably playing over in Europe. We'll see how it turns out, but his four years at KU will always be my four favorite seasons of college basketball ever. "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered with failure, than to live in that gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." T. Roosevelt. Why birdie, when you can eagle? :-) Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: SportsCenter (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
2:07 am	Actually my goal is to not have a goal... Instead of writing for Research Methods, like I should be, I'm wasting a few minutes posting in the journal. It's flippin 2am, bed is nowhere in sight, and I've got to give a midterm in exactly 8 hours. Anyway, that's not why I'm posting. Tonight in Organizational Communication we talked about interpersonal processes within organizations. At some point we mentioned motivation, and Dr. K remarked that there is absolute, validated proof that goal-setting produces better performance. Or something like that. He went on to say that the only kind of goal that he thinks is worthwhile is a short-term behavior goal. We can't control anything beyond the very next thing we do, he reasoned, so that's what our goals should address. I started thinking about this, remembering occasions where I set a list of goals or had things to do and set a goal of accomplishing a certain number. It occured to me that I'd directly experienced the performance-enhancing effects of goal-setting, yet I still rarely set goals for myself. In fact, I tend to push away the idea of setting goals. Why? The answer is that I'm scared. Once I've set a goal for myself, I have now introduced the opportunity for failure. Without a goal, I may be a rudderless ship adrift (as Dr. K termed it), but I can't technically fail because I haven't really set out to do anything specific. So there it is. I'm afraid of failure. I'm scared that if I set a goal for myself I might not reach it. And then what? There's one failure, and where there's one, there's bound to be more. Maybe I anticipate some kind of snowball effect or something. I dunno. I think I'm going to try it though. Sometime soon, I'm going to set a goal for myself. It's going to be easy, mainly just a confidence builder. I can't really think, out of the few times I did set goals for myself, any times where I'd failed to reach them. But there's always the possibility. That reification does it. But we'll see. I'd give myself the goal right now of finishing all this damn work for Methods, but at the rate I'm getting sleepy, I don't know how much longer I've got. I really can't go to sleep though, I won't have enough time to finish everything. Oh well. I may try and get a few more things done and then just take my chances tomorrow. After all, it's only Dr. Cohen, right? Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: silence (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 25th, 2005
7:19 pm	I have to air a beef I'm listening to Cleveland @ Indy while I do research for org. com., and I gotta say something. LeBron James has never, is not, and will never be "better" than Michael Jordan. I think I'm having this thought process because of all the research I'm doing. Follow along. Michael Jordan truly revolutionized the game of basketball. Before His Airness, you just didn't see some of the things that you see in basketball nowadays. He brought a new level to professional basketball. Since his retirement, everyone's been trying to figure out who the "new Jordan" is. The label's been passed from Kobe, KG, Shaq, VC, T-Mac, even Stevie Franchise at one point. Now the heir apparent is Bron Bron, the "King." What I want you, my astute reader, to do is to think for a minute or so and tell me what LeBron James has changed about the NBA in two years as a professional player. ........ That's right, nothing. He hasn't CHANGED anything. Was he perhaps the greatest prep player of all time? Maybe. Will he develop into one of the League's most unstoppable players? Probably. Has he changed how players in the NBA actually play? No. Has he forced a revolution in professional basketball? No. Maybe one day, Bron Bron will be as dominating as Jordan. He may be as smooth as Jordan off the court. He definitely doesn't have Jordan's business savvy (see jersey snafus before draft). He could break white guys' ankles, sink oh-so-sweet jumpers, and throw it down wickedly, but he will never be able to rock the foundation of professional basketball like His Airness. Can he one day play the game of basketball better than Michael Jordan? Maybe. Will that make him better? No. Standing on the shoulders of giants does not make oneself a giant. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Bill Walton, the second worst analyst in history (Hi Trev) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
11:59 pm	And so it begins... It's been a good while since I've updated. I just can't seem to find the time to sit and write about what's going on. I'm usually too pissed or too tired or something. Anyway, this week looks to be the most difficult I've had since the beginning of my academic career. I've got several major projects due next week. I managed to move one to the week after Spring Break, but it was also the easiest and the least of my worries. I'm supposed to become an expert in communication with peers by Tuesday evening, as well as lead discussion and turn in a 15-pager, then Wednesday I have to turn in another lit review/methods paper. I know last semester my lit review consumed my life for a week or two, so I'm not looking forward to having to do another one just because Dr. Cohen doesn't like sports...And she remarked after my midterm last night that she wants to see the redone version of our first assignment that I did to try and do the second assignment. Ugh, I'm confused just talking about it. In other news, I'm still almost moved into my apartment. I got a key for storage this morning, only to go down to the basement and discover that all the storage rooms are full. Except for one. And it has a lock. And I can't break a lock. Even though it's empty. I know there's a lot more that's happening with me...but I'm feeling kinda braindead at the moment. Oh, make sure and get Osmun his damn iPod. Keep looking up Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: SportsCenter (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
9:13 pm	Just a common counterfeit I don't like posting only about my Research Methods class, but when provided with so much ammunition, I can't help but pull the trigger. So I thought that my meeting with Dr. Cohen was an hour later than it actually was. At 2:30, when my meeting was supposed to start, I realized my mistake and ran my ass up to school. It's a good thing, too, cause I would've missed how my research project is essentially crap. Apparently I don't have anything close to a real research question, and my literature is horribly irrelevant for the topic. This is the same project that I recieved an 89 for last semester from Dr. K. Apparently, I need to completely redo the whole thing, come up with a new research question, operationalized variables, and relevant literature. And it's due before Spring Break. Fine. I can handle a little criticism, but I wasn't really expecting that sort of information. I wanted to talk to Dr. K about it and see if my research was really that bad, but he had already left for the day. It was sad really, so far I'd been having a really good day, and I had to fight tooth and nail to try and stay in a good mood. That lasted until class time. In Methods tonight we talked about quantitative data analysis. Basically we spent most of the time talking about mean/median/mode, variance, standard deviation, and bell curves. Pretty easy stuff, if you ask me. Well, apparently I was wrong. Really, really wrong. Dr. Cohen gave us the wrong formula for figuring variance. Then, for the life of her, she couldn't explain standard deviation. STANDARD DEVIATION. If she would've just drawn a bell curve on the board or something, it would've made it much easier. But no, she kept going to abstract examples and contexts that involved bell curves and standard deviation. Zach, Sue, or I could've taught the lesson in half the time with double the effectiveness. At this point, my respect for Dr. Cohen has dropped significantly. I mean, what kind of prof can't teach something relatively simple to (what are supposed to be) relatively bright graduate students? As we're leaving Dr. Cohen is handing back assignments. The last one we did involved describing our research focus and listing concepts to operationalize, etc. Basically it involved recasting our rearch focus again. This is the same assignment that I had to meet with her about. Anyway, I get it back, and in addition to red scribbles covering nearly inch of the damn thing, there's a post-it on top. I read through it, where it basically says that I don't have any clue what I really want to research, and that my RQs are bogus. Then there's this line: "my undergrad methods students can do this..." Are you fucking kidding me? I'm being ridiculed? I'm sorry if I'm not picking up this research bullshit as quickly as she'd like, but this isn't all review for me, like she keeps telling the class it ought to be. I've never had a research methods class, so maybe I'm at an "undergrad level," but I still hardly see the point in making statements like that. Maybe instead of ridiculing me she should provide constructive feedback? Maybe she should teach? Un-fucking-believable. Am I supposed to ever take this woman seriously again? What kind of prof can't manage to teach standard deviation to a graduate class but ridicules her students for performing at less than undergraduate level? Isn't that supposed to be an indication of her teaching ability? I need some guitar, or video games, or something. Current Mood: irate Current Music: UNC-Duke on ESPN (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
9:14 pm	Grad school would be great if I had... no Internet, no TV, no windows, no cats, no video games, no friends, no family, money, a clue, intellect, an attention span, self discipline, no laundry, no guitar, no bed, food, a good idea, direction, motivation, determination, common sense, critical thinking skills, aspirations, energy, no phone, ability, cleanliness, optimism.... Feel free to add Current Mood: depressed Current Music: college basketball (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 30th, 2005
2:50 am	Of all the stupid, asinine, unholy things to happen at 1:30 in the morning... I'm sitting here, minding my own business, looking for a new cell phone on E-bizzle cause mine broke last week, when suddenly there's a brown stream of hot wax running right down onto my computer. Seems the candle I had burning developed a hole in the side and trailed wax out and off the ledge onto my computer. What's the only thing to be done? Yep, stuck my hand out to prevent any more damn wax to fall onto my keyboard. So now parts of my hand hurt and they're a funny color, and there's little bits of dried wax EVERYWHERE. I realized that wax is quite possibly the worst stuff known to man in the wrong circumstances. It stays liquid just long enough to run underneath the keys, then hardens so you can't get it out. I've spent the last hour and a half performing what amounted to surgery on my laptop, using tweezers and other tiny utensils to dig wax out. I also discovered that the keys for my particular keyboard aren't designed to just snap back on after you pop them off. Luckily I realized this after only one key, but now there's a hole where F11 used to be. Fucking A. I managed to get it into crapped-out-but-functional condition, and there's nothing wrong internally, just hardened wax over a third of the keyboard. I'm looking forward to a can of compressed air at best, and sending it away to be serviced at worst. We'll see. I'm going to see if maybe I can just take it to Best Buy and have them clean it for me or something for some probably outrageous rate. Again, fucking A. I'm going to bed. Current Mood: irritated (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
11:43 pm	Today is fire... Congrats to Paddock for making the call on SIUE. I'm not all that fond of that place, but it can't be worse than Greenville, so more power to you. To Greenville! I really, really need to write out a lesson plan before I go to bed and email it to Dr. K. I'm not feeling very motivated tonight, however, and it's interfering. The worst assignments are the ones you don't want to do, and yet, have absolutely no choice in the matter. Like the Cor401 reflection essay I wrote on the last day of classes last year to preserve my graduation. Hungover. Really hungover. If anyone knows any interesting activities to do pertaining to choosing effective language in public speaking, send them my way. There's a ton of information in this chapter and last semester I just lectured the whole damn thing, but I have a feeling I will be heavily chastised if I lecture tomorrow. So I've been struggling to think of some way to get through this shit. Bah! In other news, I decided I want to go someplace. Road trip, mini vacation, or something like that. These things happen when one plays with Mapquest for too long. Did you know that it's 59 hours and 6 minutes from St. Louis, MO to Anchorage, AK? Yep. Anyhow, I'm trying to find some excuse to go some other place. The problem is that my weeks are dominated by school and my weekends are dominated by school. Hmmmmmm.... Kansas rebounded from a shellacking courtesy of Villanova tonight, waxing Baylor 86-66. My mom and brother talked to Keith's mom and got tix, so they drove out to Waco. I really hope KU makes it to the Final Four this year. That would make up for the shitty semester that this is turning out to be. Better get back to work. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Breaking Benjamin, Sublime, The Nixons (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 24th, 2005
4:33 pm	See the savage jungle beast stalk his prey... Colin just chewed the leg off of his catnip-stuffed bear. Way to go kitty! Today's been a weird day. At first, I was in a decent mood. Then I went to school and my classes sucked today. It just seemed like everyone was sleepy and didn't want to contribute, and getting through the material was like pulling teeth. So I was grumpy after class, but when it was over I got in a better mood cause, well, they were over. Then I found out that I'm being observed in class Wednesday, which doesn't give me much warning. Though I guess I don't really need it, just need to write a real lesson plan to give Dr. K by then. Then I had lunch with some of the other TAs, which was cool and put me in a better mood. Then we started talking about apartments and stuff and that got me in a bad mood again thinking about my new landlord and how much I'm getting screwed over. Then, in fact, my landlord called me and delivered more mildly irritating news. So I'm grumpier, then I have to walk back and drop all my stuff off and go run errands, including stopping by the bank, which I always hate. But, I also had to stop by the UPS distribution center to pick up my modem for my new hi-speed. So the trip out kinda balanced out. Then I get home and Hannah decides to piss on the front of the litter box, as opposed to in it. Kitty pissing = bad mood. So I figure I'll set everything up for the internet, even though it won't be activated till tomorrow. Then, as I'm letting the installer runs, the little internet light on the modem blinks on. Huh? DSL in my apartment = great mood. So I'm bumpin some tunes and surfing at speeds previously unheard of. It's pretty sweet, really. Also, when I started my IM, I forgot that it was set up to automatically sign on. So it signed on. And it signed on with PantherWR. Huh? Getting old sweet name complete with buddylist and ditching new lame SN = even better mood. I don't really know what's going on, but I'm gonna ride it as long as I can. Throw up your rockfist! Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Weezer, Skindred, Finger Eleven (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
9:07 pm	Damn Al Gore ...for inventing this stupid "Internet" thing. It's supposed to be all fast and sweet and everything, but it sure takes forever to download .pdf files. I'm sitting in my office.....AFTER class.....AFTER 9pm....because I need to print off or at least save to disk some articles to read for classes. It's taking forEVER. Alright, no more of the all-caps stuff. I haven't posted in a good while and that's because I've had too much other garbage going on. At the present moment I'm sitting on my arse trying to find ways to waste time until these stupid articles are done, so I figured I might as well. I'll finally have internet access back in my apartment on Tuesday, so then I'll probably have more opportunity to post. The horrendous moving weekend is finally over. Kinda. Now that everything's been moved from one place to another, I have to find someplace to put everything again. And though my new apartment is bigger, there is actually less space to store things, so it's been going slowly and I've still got crap all over the place. Don't even ask how I find clothes to wear each day. Cause I don't know. So don't ask. Cause I don't know. Once I do finally get settled, the new place should definitely be an improvement. It's not as uniquely shaped as my last apartment, so organizing the major stuff has been much easier. It's 815 square feet, as opposed to the 750 I moved from. 65 square feet may not sound like much....but every room is much bigger than it's old counterpart. Especially the bedroom. Geez. Consequently, classes are going crappily. I'm having trouble balancing "finish getting moved" with "read and do work for class" especially with "no internet at home" so really nothing has gotten accomplished. There's still stuff everywhere and I'm not getting my work done. I had really hoped to get started on this semester well and move along through my stuff. I've been told that this semester is supposed to be the worst, though worst is somewhat subjective. I know that I have 3 classes, two of which I can't keep up with, and 432789 pages of reading to do a night. In better news, I recently discovered that the football office of a major sports representation firm is based here in St. Louis. SFX, based in Washington DC, divides their sports into different offices based across the country, and the office that manages their NFL clients is right here in the Toilet. I fired off an email to see if they have any kind of internship, assistantship, or indentured servitude programs for the summer term. Check out their client list, it's sweet. www.sfxsports.com Alright, it's late, I've got a half-hourish walk back to my apartment, and damn WebCT has its head up its ass. BEAT UP YOUR ROOMMATE Current Mood: aggravated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
2:46 pm	My apologies... I was reading back through my posts and I realized I let the entire bowl season pass us by without a single comment. I love posting about sports. :-) First, FUCK OKLAHOMA. Stoopid Sooners. Granted, I'm not a big SC guy, though I wouldn't mind swindling a Ph. D out of there. But I loved every little bit of that damn game. I was at Caitlin's watching it, and I was rolling on the bed in joyous laughter as her precious Sooners were destroyed by Southern Cal. Jason "Break A Leg" White's legacy? The ugliest player to come back from two knee surgeries, undeservingly win the Heisman, and choke on a fat one in not one, but two consecutive national championship games. Second, FUCK CALIFORNIA. All the bitching and whining out of Berkley came to a sudden halt with the Golden Bears' choke against Texas Tech. Come on Cal, Texas Tech might be the 4th best team in the Big XII South (which makes them, in reality, the 4th best team in the Big XII). Texas was a better team, and you didn't really deserve to go to the Rose Bowl. Eat it. And Texas. Oh Texas! Sweet Vindication!! Mack Brown finally shook off the Can't-Win-The-Big-Game tag and delivered a rousing performance against a stout Michigan team. It really came down to Vince Younf vs. the Wolverines, and Vince Young came out on top. I've never been a big fan of his, but he did what needed to be done, finally. Apologies to Bill, but it had to rank as one of the best Rose Bowls in a long, long time, if ever. Now Brown just needs to beat Oklahoma. Fuck them. Current Mood: apathetic (Comment on this)